Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
did i just pee glitter
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
