whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize