my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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