Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
