Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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