A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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