I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
