Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
