Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
