Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
