Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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