apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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