there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
