Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
