Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
