i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
