Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
