Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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