i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
