Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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