The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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