do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
