the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
