Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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