Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
