I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
