Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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