Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
