I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
