whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
