I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize