She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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