Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
