Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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