dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
