Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
