Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
