Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
