what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
