At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
