I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want nice things and good sex
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
