I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
