i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
