Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
