a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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