I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
