Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
