Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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