I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
