rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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