how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
