why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
