I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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