pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
