I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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