Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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