i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
