I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize