Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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