just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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