it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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