Christians are straight up FREAKS
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
