you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
