All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
