And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
50% drunk capacity currently
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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