I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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