There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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