I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
