haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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