mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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