FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
