can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
