maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
