I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
