I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
