I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
