Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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