you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
