look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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