I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
