I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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