She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize