i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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