I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
