I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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