I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
