some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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