it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
