Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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