Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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