Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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