So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
