why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize