genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
