I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
