Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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