All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
