just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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