then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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