Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
