I would go down on you faster than GM stock
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
