I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
