I looked at my own cervix.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize