she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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